Grief Counseling

When a death, the end of a relationship, a major illness or an accident precipitates a significant change in your reality, the very foundation of your belief system is rattled and everything is subject to question. When this experience is sufficiently gripping, grief can sabotage your normal ability to function and can consume both your waking and sleeping moments. It is compelling. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross talks about many of the tumultuous experiences of grief in her five stages theory. While these five stages do not necessarily fall in order, and instead weave in and out of the process, they are descriptive of the conflicting and confusing experiences involved. It is often too easy to get stuck and too hard to integrate all the experience. When the loss controls our very responsiveness to daily living, it is time to get help.

The more devastating the loss, the more complicated the bereavement process. There are many ways to explore the various coping strategies we use and often each one has something helpful within it. Denial is the coping mechanism that permits absorption of the loss in doses as the whole reality of it is too intense to digest at once.  Anger is the coping mechanism by which we can resist our powerlessness and seek the energy and resources to identify and stop its ultimate effect upon us. Bargaining may be how we navigate the implications of the change and seek opportunity to mitigate the circumstances. The depression experience is where the ultimate whole of the loss permeates our whole belief system and becomes part of who we are going forward. It may also illuminate the glimmer of hope that directs our power to move forward. Acceptance demonstrates the wisdom to accept what we cannot change, the courage to change what we can and, finally the wisdom to know the difference. Grief is the Serenity Prayer in action and it is remarkably painful. Acceptance ultimately is where we know unequivocally what it is we hold onto as an integral part of us.

Much like rafting a wild and scenic river, all of your attention is required to navigate grief safely. The grief process requires intense emotion, intense cognition, and intense bodily sensation as it is digested and we discover its impact on us. Getting stuck in any chapter is not healthy or empowering. Fluidity through the experience, avoiding both chaos and rigidity, often necessitates a professional perspective to know the terrain and avoid the pitfalls. Grief has a remarkable effect on how we make meaning about our lives going forward. Like riding that river, an experienced guide is often essential to the journey.